


Where Were You When I Needed You

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Child Abandonment, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Niall, Summer Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 13:42:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7760023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first thing Niall thought when he walked into his house was: No, the second was: Why is there a cat here? Louis hates cats. And the last was: Please, god let it not is who I think it is. Sitting in his living room was his dad who looked so tense that it was making Niall nervous, his mom cuddled up next to his dad, Louis tapping away on his phone, and two women and a cat. Niall didn't really mean to drop his keys when his eyes landed on the blonde woman with the blue eyes but he did and then they were all looking at him, all eyes on him. He wanted to break out into a cold run but he didn't... not yet, he thought to himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Were You When I Needed You

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first work ever, i hope you will like it! Please note that i'm not American, never been in the US to be honest, and English isn't my first language, so you'll probably see some mistakes.

"Welcome to Lorena's Gift Shop, can I help you with anything today?" Niall asked the elderly couple that had just wandered into the store. It was clear they weren't from Carolina Beach by the map in the woman's hand. They practically screamed tourist from head to toe and Niall was skilled on how to deal with them in the summer time not that they were there any other time.

"No, not really." The man said already walking to the back of the store where they held an assortment of pre-made key chains with generic names on them. Niall leaned his elbow on the counter and rested his chin in his hand and glanced outside of the glass door. He could see the beach clearly from his spot and he watched people wander down the hot sidewalks with babies in strollers or cell phones in hand. Lorena's Gift Shop was probably one of the liveliest stores in Carolina Beach during the summertime because people loved buying little knick-knacks and useless gifts to give to their families back home.

But when it came to the other seasons when the tourists were gone leaving behind Carolina and the smell of the beach, Lorena's was quiet save for the occasional person wandering in by accident. While Niall's best friend Liam loved the tourism and the amount of new people that just flocked to the island during the beginning months of June and stayed till September Niall hated it. Niall had lived in North Carolina, in this little city all his life, he didn't like these non-natives coming in and staring wide-eyed at his place, his home like it was some kind of exhibit at the zoo.

And while it did piss him off to no end he was also hopelessly jealous. He was jealous that these people had nothing to worry about, jealous that their lives back home had stopped and they were becoming brand new and setting roots in a whole new nameless place that they'd probably forget in a few months because... what is there to remember? And Niall wished he could do that wished that he could take off and go somewhere and not care for about three months. He wished that it snowed in Carolina and he wished that he didn't know every single person in the place.

Everybody was so familiar.

"Do you have this in the color pink?" The old woman said ripping Niall out of his thoughts. Niall blinked and looked at the hideous blue shirt that she was holding in her hand that had an assortment of fish and coral around it with the name: Carolina Beach slapped in the middle in distracting yellow print.

"I think we do. Wait here." He told her and then he was disappearing into the back of the store where they had endless amounts of boxes stocked. Niall made sure to keep the door open because not only did he have severe claustrophobia he had gotten trapped in the place once and he would never forget it. He scanned the shelves and finally found the one that was marked: T's in Lorena's messy scrawl. He raised himself on his toes a bit as he reached for it and he grabbed it only to have the rest of the boxes on top of it come crashing down on him. Ow.

He huffed and stood up leaving the boxes for later and walking back to the front of the store. Louis, his stepbrother was suddenly there, sitting on the counter and talking to the elderly couple. The woman was smiling and the man looked amused and Niall rolled his eyes: adults loved Louis. He remembered when his father had married Louis' mom and he had begged Niall to be nice because Louis was very sweet.

Seven year old Louis wasn't sweet at all.

“Oh hello, brother. Nice of ya to join us." Louis said craning his neck to look at Niall. Niall rolled his eyes and set the box down on the counter and he began to rifle around for a pink t-shirt.

"What're you doing here, Louis?" Niall asked as he hurriedly looked through the box sensing the woman's eyes on his head. Tourists were like that: horribly impatient not that he understood why considering they had the whole summer to just by a freakin' pink shirt. Niall wished he could tell her that really the shirt was a waste of ten dollars but he liked his job and he wasn't responsible for people's fashion choices or mistakes.

"Mom's on that vegan diet and you know how she gets. Incredibly cranky." Louis huffed.

"Aha!" Niall cried when he finally found one lone pink shirt at the bottom of the box. He handed it to the woman and she smiled at him.

"Thanks, doll." She then showed it to her husband. "Kelly's gonna love this, Mark."

"I'm sure she will." The man- Mark- replied even if he did sound like he could care less if Kelly loved the shirt or not. Niall turned to Louis.

"Where's dad?"

"Out. Nobody wants to be around mom when she's eating that stuff and talking about a ban on soy sauce." Louis said with a shrug.

"Very true. So you came to what, bother me?" Niall took the woman's shirt for her and a cup that said “World's Number One Daughter” from the man and began to check them out. "That'll be fifteen sixty seven."

"This store is a rip off." The man grumbled. Ain't that the truth, Niall thought but the woman just hit the man on the shoulder and gladly forked over the money like it was nothing. He handed her the change and then they were both gone and Niall watched as they disappeared outside into the throng without a care in the world. Niall wished for a fleeting moment that he was them, that he didn't care as much as he knew he did.

"Eleanor's mad at me so I couldn't go to her house and Stan's on a date."

"Who'd wanna date Stan?" Niall asked sneering at the name. While Eleanor, Louis' on and off girlfriend was an absolute sweetheart in Niall's opinion Louis' best friend Stan was a douche. Stan was homophobic and Niall had a feeling slightly racist and honestly Niall didn't know why Louis hung with him. Louis constantly said it was because Stan was his first friend when he and his mother moved from California to North Carolina but that didn't mean the guy wasn't an asshole.

"Apparently Phoebe Jackson does."

"She'll realize her mistake soon." Niall replied watching the clock. Only ten minutes till he was free. Not that Carolina Beach was a place he was just dying to be free in; he'd already seen it all. The beaches, the shops, the old amusement park down the road where only the Ferris wheel worked.

"Stan is honestly not that bad." Louis said. Niall scoffed.

"Right soon you'll be saying that pigs are flying."

"Your hatred's unjustified."

"Whatever. At least my best friend doesn't have a closed mind to absolutely everything." And as if on cue his phone rang and when Niall looked down he realized it was Liam. He turned away from Louis because he knew Louis hated when people did that to him and answered the phone.

"Liam, hi." Niall greeted.

"Did you forget?" Was the first thing Liam said. Niall ruffled his eyebrows and rubbed the back of his neck looking around the store for a bit as if it would give him a clue as to what he had forgotten.

"Of course I didn't forget." Niall lied.

"Niall." Liam whined because even though he was eighteen, grown, and was way larger than Niall he had the tendency to do things like whine and pout.

"Okay, okay I forgot I'm sorry."

"We have to go get Harry and Zayn at the airport." Oh, yeah. Ever since summer had begun Liam had been talking nonstop about Harry his cousin from New York City and Zayn the boy that he had the world's biggest crush on. And somehow he had recruited Niall into picking them up from the airport with him and really Niall was not in the mood to watch Liam run around an airport like a teenage girl from the movies. He had never met this cousin in his life Liam explaining that after a divorce from Liam's aunt the boy's had drifted and all he knew about this Zayn character was that Liam loved him. Eye roll.

"Oh yeah, Harry and Zayn." Niall said smiling wide and fake as if Liam was right there. Niall watched Louis roll his eyes and smirk at him mouthing the word: poser. Niall flipped him off and turned away from him once again.

"Your shift's over in like five minutes I've been watching the clock."  
"Yeah that isn't creepy." Niall said.  
"Okay you obviously don't want to help me out when you promised."  
"Are you guilt tripping me?"  
"I'm just telling you the facts. We pinky swore on it, Niall! You know I can't be with Zayn alone!"  
"You'll have Harry."  
"I haven't spoken to Harry in years! I can't believe you!"  
"Okay fine! I'll pick you up as soon as I clock out and then we'll go get them fucking Christ." Niall swore running a hand over his face.  
"Thank you so much! See ya in a few." And then the conversation was over. He hated that Liam had manipulation down to an art. Niall shoved his phone back into his pocket and then looked up at Louis who had a brunette eyebrow raised.  
"What?"  
"You're very bitter you know that?" Louis asked and Niall rolled his eyes and sighed out in relief when his watch beeped signaling that he actually wasn't free at all but he was now helping Liam not be a wuss around his cousin and soon to be husband (according to Liam). Oh joy.

"Thanks for telling me, Louis." He jumped across the counter just as Perrie, who had the next shift walked in whistling an Abba tune. "Good luck!" He cried to Perrie and then he was out the door breathing in the smell of seawater, food, and the underlying of sweat and perfume mingled in together from all the people walking around. He could hear the sea gulls far out in the distance and he squinted his eyes and looked out to the beach and he wished that he could just take his surfboard and hit the waves and leave all his worries right there on the sidewalk.

He got in his car eventually and drove off. He hated that Harry and Zayn were coming to visit, hated that they were one of the people who were leaving things behind just to be temporarily someone else. He wished he could do that, he wished that he could jump into the water and come out something else. Something original... something new.

-

"Liam, you chew like a fucking cow." Niall snapped. Liam stopped chewing and giggled a bit.

"Sorry I tend to do that when I'm nervous." He explained.

"Yes I know." Niall was on the verge of screaming. When he had picked up Liam from Coraline's, the little hole in the wall diner that he worked in the boy had talked on and on about Zayn seeming to forget that he had a cousin for a bit and when that had gotten boring he had turned on the radio to a rap station and then he had begun to chew gum loud and obnoxiously. And really loud and obnoxious wasn't Liam, he was more of the quiet and shy one but apparently when it came to people he liked all bets were off.

It reminded Niall of Sophia Smith, Liam's ex who in the beginning was a great person for Liam. She laughed at his jokes and she talked with her hands something that Liam tended to do too and she supported Liam's crazy dream to become a singer but then she left for college and well... things kind of went south. There was some crying from both parties, Niall will never forget having Liam on one line and Sophia on the other trying to console both and explaining that 'no it honestly isn't your fault that the relationship is over.' It was a chore really but gradually Liam had gotten over her and when she did visit neither cried.

"Do you think I look good?"

"You're in your work uniform and you smell like fries, Liam. You can't get better than that." Niall muttered and Liam huffed.

"You're being very sarcastic today."

"Great observation."

"Am I being annoying? I'll stop if you’d like."

"It's not you, Liam." It's my loneliness acting up again. Sometimes Niall wished that Liam was a douche bag friend just because sometimes he wanted someone to punch some sense into him and the only time Liam would ever dare punch him was if they were play fighting on Niall's couch or boxing in the boxing place that Liam's dad owned. The road they were on was pretty empty not much other's on the road with them besides a large truck that looked to be carrying dairy products and an SUV that was way behind them. The drive to the airport was honestly not that long, probably a twenty minute drive but to Niall it felt like forever.

Liam wasn't talking or smacking his gum anymore and Niall felt bad but he didn't say anything. He was kind of enjoying the Zayn-less quiet, if he had to hear one more thing about that boy he'd drive off a cliff. Not that there were steep cliffs in Carolina Beach anyway.

Niall finally pulled up to airport where he could see planes taking off and families being loaded into cars by other families. Before he even parked the car Liam was out of it and bouncing on the soles of his white converse.

"Let's go." Liam looked giddy and way too happy for Niall to be mad about so he allowed the boy to wrap his hand around Niall's wrist and tug him inside the cold airport. He immediately appreciated the refreshing air, a staggering contrast to the heat stroke he was gaining just from being outside. Liam was immediately pulling out his phone.

"I'll try and call them." He said and Niall wondered if Liam forgot that this airport was probably one of the smallest airports in the country and losing somebody was virtually impossible. And then Niall heard a loud: "Liam!” being shouted and they both looked up. Niall was looking around wondering where the hell the scream came from as Liam broke out in a run. Niall snorted he was really hoping to avoid cheesy airport scenes. He walked a steady pace as he followed Liam, eyebrows raised as he watched Liam hold on to a boy who was slightly shorter than him with an endless amount of tattoos and inky black hair. Niall immediately knew it was Zayn. And then he looked to the immediate right of the hugging figures and a saw a grinning boy with wild curls and a duffle bag slung across his shoulder.

Niall swallowed. Why didn't Liam tell him that Harry was hot?

When Liam finally pulled away from Zayn he hugged Harry a bit more calmly but still with hysteria left over. Niall felt left out of the whole public display of affection and he wondered why Liam even recruited him to come with if he was just going to act like a prepubescent child the whole time.

"God I'm so happy to see you guys!" Liam squealed. Niall cleared his throat and Liam jumped as if forgetting that Niall was right there. "Oh yeah! Harry and Zayn this is my best friend Niall, Niall this is Harry and Zayn." Niall stepped forward and shook both their hands, Zayn nodding to him and Harry grinning and squeezing his hand a bit.

"Nice to meet you. Liam wouldn't stop talking about you two." Niall said and Liam blushed a pretty shade of pink.

"He's a liar." He tried feebly. Zayn and Harry both laughed as they picked their bags up from the floor.

"Don't worry we've heard so much about you two. Liam calls you the wild one." Harry said looking over at Liam who was groaning.

"I'm embarrassed."

"Don't be." Zayn replied pushing him playfully.

"I'll lead the way to the car. You guys must be absolutely exhausted." Liam said walking in front of all of them.

"The opposite actually. Can't wait to actually be introduced to Carolina Beach."

"You really aren't missing out on much. It's a small town." Niall explained looking up at Harry because Harry was a bit taller than him Niall had no idea why he liked that.

"After living in Manhattan my whole life a small town is just what I need."

"You'll miss Manhattan by the end of the day I guarantee it." Niall continued as they walked outside.

"Oh god, it's hot." He heard Zayn mutter and Niall nodded.

"This place is known for that, it’s quite hot during summer." 

Liam and Niall helped Zayn and Harry put their bags in the trunk not that they even bought much bags. Zayn only had a duffle while Harry had a duffle and a suitcase. Niall got in the front and he watched as Liam followed Zayn in the back seat and Harry opted for sitting next to him.

"Nice car." Harry said and Niall shrugged.

"Thanks."

-

When he finally got to his own house after dropping both Zayn and Harry at Liam's place and watching Liam's mom gush at both the boys he was exhausted. His dad's car was parked in the front meaning he was home but not his mom. He wondered if she finally gave up on the vegan diet and went to Coraline's where everything was fat and grease.

"Dad!" Niall yelled slamming the door after himself. The TV was on broadcasting an old NFL game and he could hear some noise coming from the garage.

"In here!" His father shouted and Niall threw his keys down on the coffee table and made his way to the garage. Niall leaned on the doorway and watched as his father tried to fix, Helen the old Volkswagen Golf that he had had since he was a kid and that his mom called junk.

"You know mom hates that car." Niall said and his dad chuckled.

"I know."

"Louis told me you were out of the house." Niall said walking further into the stuffy garage.

"I came back, your mom and her vegan diets couldn't keep me away."

"Brave man." Niall laughed and his dad nodded. They were silent for a bit with Niall tinkering with some of his dad's tools and his dad tinkering with the car.

"So I have some news." His dad finally said and Niall set the wrench down and looked at his dad. He shut the top of the car and turned so that he was facing Niall. "Your mother called." He uttered and Niall opened his mouth and then closed it and then swallowed. He had no idea what his honest reaction was supposed to be. His mother? Why was his mother who he hadn't seen since he was four after she decided to jet off to god knows where with god knows who calling him? Niall didn't even think she was alive, had convinced himself that if she was she would've called. He was her son after all but now he didn't know what to think.

"What?" Was the only thing that came out of his mouth because what was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to cry? Was he supposed to throw a tantrum and talk about how she abandoned him? He felt ridiculously numb like somebody had injected tons of morphine into his blood stream and gone crazy with it.

"She called a couple hours ago and she said that uh... she wanted to talk to you. Said she was in town with her... girlfriend." Niall blinked. His dad blinked. Then without warning he started to laugh, a loud uproarious laugh that seemed to be ripped out of him with the force of it because how freakin' bizarre was his life? Not only was his mother back she was back with a girlfriend... was she also a mermaid ready to take Niall back to his proper home in the ocean?

"What the fuck?" Niall asked after his laughter died down. He realized that in all honesty nothing was funny but it was so messed up. Fuck he didn't give a shit if his mother was gay that would be like the pot calling the kettle black but god... why was she coming back now? After missing out on fourteen years off his life after missing out on his graduation and his first day of school and his big fat gay crisis when he was fifteen. She didn't deserve to talk to him.

"I was shocked too. Hadn't heard from Maura in years." His dad replied. Maura. Of course he knew his mother's name but every time he heard it, it felt like a punch to the gut like something he wasn't supposed to remember.

"What does she mean in town?"

"She's staying in Jeffer's Inn. And she wants you to call her."

"I don't want to speak to her though." Niall replied crossing his arms in front of his chest defiantly. His mother could go kindly fuck herself for all he cared because sure she had given birth to him but god why didn't she stick around? He never liked things being left unsaid he was the kind of person who waited for closure that he knew probably wouldn't come and god... was he just not good enough for her? Was he a bad kid?

"Niall, I think you should talk to her."

"But I don't want to."

"She's your mother."

"She's no mother of mine. If she was so concerned about me she should've stuck around instead of taking off."

"It's not her fault, Niall."

"Not her fault? Everything's her fault!" Niall shouted but he willed himself to calm down because he would not explode on his father when this wasn't his fault.

"Uh oh, I hear screaming." Johannah. Niall sighed thanking god for his mom and her distractions because she always came at the right time. He smiled at her when she stepped into the garage and she groaned as her eyes landed on the car and the tools.

"Niall, were you screaming at your dad because he refuses to understand that old things should stay in the past?"

"Something like that." Niall replied ignoring the look that his father was shooting him. "Hi." He said kissing her on the cheek and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"You look a bit frazzled, my love."

"It's nothing."

"Maura called." His dad said and Niall rolled his eyes.

"Is it possible for me to be excused?"

"Niall." His father said sounding exasperated but his mom just smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Go ahead, sweetie. I'll talk to your dad."

"Thanks." He said ducking out of the garage. He didn't realize his hands were shaking until he wrapped one around his bedroom doorknob. He reminded himself to breathe, to calm down because his mother and her mistakes did not define him. He pressed his forehead onto the door and thought: why'd she leave me?

-

He woke up at the crack of dawn, wrote a note to anybody in the house who woke up first, and left. He could hear the beach calling his name even if the sun had barely risen yet, earning the sky a pink color and dreary looking clouds. He couldn't wait to get in the water... surfing always seemed to calm him down even when he was having the worst days. He never understood people that were scared of water considering water to him was a haven; he could stay there forever enjoying the way that the salt water clung to him. It made him feel a little heavier a little more grounded cause lord knew he wasn't. His dad had called him flighty once, the kind of person that didn't let themselves gets attached.

He didn't have a choice though. Well, until college that was. College all the way in Washington D.C in the fall... he had no idea why he had picked this state, but he did. He was just glad he was going to soon be out of Carolina Beach; soon he was going to be studying... Chemistry. He didn't really know why he chose that either but he'd do anything to get out of this small town with small people doing small things.

He dog paddled into the water with his surfboard under him. The sea gulls were loud as if they were trying to wake up the whole town and Niall wanted them to shut up. He wanted only to hear the crashing of the waves and the beating of his heart as he stepped onto the surfboard.

He surfed for about thirty minutes and when he was finally back to the shore the beach was already filling up with tourists beginning their days early. He ignored the group of giggling girls that he passed by and walked to the parking lot. Of course that was when Liam, Harry, and Zayn pulled up and got out of Liam's car. Niall cursed lowly but then grinned when Liam started walking towards him.

"Hey, you're wet." Liam said and Niall hit his forehead like Liam had just told him an incredible find.

"Am I? Gosh, Liam I didn't notice." Liam turned to Harry and Zayn.

"Niall is incredibly sarcastic sometimes I don't know why we're friends."

"It's my stunning personality." Niall said blandly eyes trailing over to Harry who had Aviators on but was also smirking at him. Niall looked down at his feet before looking back up at Liam. "So what're you doing?"

"I'm giving Zayn and Harry a tour of Carolina. You should join us." Liam propositioned and Niall hummed under his breath. He honestly really didn't want to follow Liam and watch him make googly eyes at Zayn but then Harry looked at him and said.

"You really should. Keep me from being a third wheel the whole time." Niall rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged.

"Sure but only for a little bit. I gotta get home." He said even if he didn't not really.

"Harry, can you go get Niall the sunscreen in the car? He burns really easily." Liam said already pulling his keys out of his pocket and handing it to Harry.

"Thanks, mom." Niall said and Liam rolled his eyes and then turned to Zayn.

"C'mon, let's go." He said and then the two were walking away leaving Niall shuffling awkwardly and Harry standing there whistling.

"C'mon, sunburn." Harry joked nudging his head over to where Liam's car was parked. Niall followed him and watched as Harry rummaged around in Liam's glove compartment and finally took out a little bottle of sunscreen that Niall knew Liam always kept for emergencies. Niall had lived in this town his whole life but he continually forgot his sunscreen but Liam was always prepared for everything. Harry handed it to Niall and Niall set his surfboard down before lathering some sunscreen onto his skin which was already red and feeling hot.

"I didn't know you surfed." Harry said looking down at the surfboard Niall was standing on. Niall noted that he looked fascinated; he wondered if New York had beaches.

"Liam didn't mention that when he talked endlessly about me?" Niall asked.

"Nah all he said was that you two are best friends and you hate Carolina."

"I don't hate Carolina, Carolina’s my home." Niall said feeling a bit defensive. Why would Liam even if say that? Niall hated being trapped in Carolina not Carolina itself, he'd actually grown to appreciate the place.

"You should tell Liam that." Harry said as Niall started walking over to the trunk of his car.

"Liam shouldn't just assume things." Niall replied putting the surfboard in the trunk of his car. He turned around and looked at Harry and swallowed when he realized how close the boy was. So close that Niall could smell the underlying of axe and the gum he was chewing. Niall wished that Harry would remove the glasses because he felt like he was being pushed away... and he didn't appreciate that feeling. He was so used to doing it to others that when it was being done to him even unintentionally it made him feel uneasy.

"So are we going to them or not?" Harry asked and Niall nodded, of course.

-

When Niall got home that afternoon he was met with the sight of Eleanor sitting on his sofa in her underwear and bra. Niall stared at her and she looked at him and waved.

"Hey, Niall."

"What are you doing?" Niall asked confused. He didn't see Louis' car and Louis always had his car with him so he was kind of confused as to why she was even there. She crossed her legs and kept her eyes focused on the ‘America's Next Top Model’ episode that was being played on the TV.

"I'm watching TV." She said.

"Why are you in my house?" He asked her.

"I'm just waiting for Louis to come home."

"Okay... how'd you get in here?" He asked her eyes flickering from the door then to the windows. He knew that if his mom had anything to do with it everything would be locked with barbed wire fencing surrounding their house... she was very paranoid. Niall on the other hand was very terrified.

"Louis' window is always open."  
"Louis' on the second floor!" Niall hissed.  
"There's a tree like right in front of his window." She replied as if that explained everything. Niall rubbed his temple the terrified feeling he had was now being replaced with annoyance laced in anger.  
"You can't just break into our house, El. Where are your clothes?"  
"I got hot." She said and Niall wordlessly walked upstairs to his bedroom. He made sure to lock the door before he collapsed onto the bed. He stared at his bare white ceiling and drummed his fingers on the mattress beneath him mind wandering to the day that he had with Harry, Zayn, and Liam. After he and Harry had made their way to the beach with the other two, Niall had stayed sitting on the sand with the water meeting his feet every now and again when it collapsed onto the shore. He chose to watch the other three boys waddle in the water and get knocked down every five seconds by a wave and he had tried his hardest to push down the feeling of fondness that was growing inside of him every time he saw Harry.

The boy had eventually taken off his glasses and his curls were plastered onto his forehead and eyes in a way that made him look like Tarzan and Niall couldn't help the little giggles that kept bubbling out of him every time Harry fell.

"Don't laugh!" Harry had cried.

"I'm not!" Niall had replied even when he was visibly laughing. Liam and Zayn on the other hand had been too busy holding each other's hands and trying not to fall. It was comical to say the least.

Eventually they all got out of the water and Niall was immediately resenting Harry because Niall could spend forever in the sun and he'd either stay pale or get a horrible sun burn but Harry was already tan, skin becoming the color of honey.

They drove all the way to Coraline's with Harry in the car with Niall and Zayn in the car with Liam. To avoid all and any awkwardness Niall made sure to keep the windows down and the radio loud and Harry was a good sport about it, choosing to sing loudly to the indie music station. Niall couldn't help the smile that was blooming on his lips... Harry was cute, in an overgrown kitten way. He was probably a chubby cheeked child Niall thought because even though his face was incredibly pronounced with a jawline that could slice through diamonds the underlying baby fat was still there on his cherub cheeks and the dimples made him look incredibly childish.

Niall tried not to stare he really did but it was hard. Harry was probably the kind of person that was way used to staring that it didn't bother him but Niall felt dumb like a teenager who didn't know how to say their feelings. He was eighteen... he wasn't fourteen; he knew how to act around pretty people. But maybe Harry was different... made him all awkward and smiley. Niall couldn't even remember the last time he actually did like someone. Couldn't remember the last time he had even kissed someone or had sex.

At Coraline's Liam made Harry and Zayn order the greasiest things on the menu and it was funny watching them eat the large burgers Coraline's had to offer and eat the incredibly greasy fries. Niall only sipped on a milk shake choosing to watch them (Harry) silently.

And now here he was. Lying spread eagle on his bed feeling a bit confused about a boy who he had just met... a boy who was Liam's cousin, a boy who would be gone by the end of the summer... forgetting about Carolina Beach in a month or two.

There was a sudden knock at his door and Niall leaned up so that his elbows were balancing him.

"Who is it?"

"It's mom." Niall rolled off the bed and walked over to the door pulling it open. Johannah smiled at him and then raised an eyebrow.

"Why is Eleanor in my living room in her underwear?"

"She was here when I came. Apparently she's waiting for Louis." Niall explained and she nodded thoughtful.

"That's creepy." She finally said and Niall chuckled.

"Yes it is. Very."

"Can I come in?" She asked him and he nodded turning away and leaving the door open so that she could walk in. Niall sat at the edge of the bed feeling a lecture or something heart felt coming on and he knew what it was about... his mother. He'd avoided thinking about her the whole day but now that his mom was there actually about to talk to him about it felt inevitable.

"You seem a bit distracted." She started and Niall shrugged.

"Not really."

"I think you know what this is about." She said sitting next to him on the bed and Niall shrugged. He did but he didn't really want to say it out loud: my mom abandoned me. He hated thinking like that but he didn't know what else to think, she was fourteen years too late and he didn't want to see her. "I know you don't want to see her and it's understandable." Niall could feel the but before she even said it. "But she is your mother, Niall and from what I heard she was young when she had you. Only twenty."

"So you're saying it's my fault that she left?" Niall asked moving away from his mom feeling a bit betrayed even if he knew he was being irrational.

"You know I'm not." She said and when she said it like that she reminded Niall of Louis. "I'm just saying that maybe you should call her. Maybe this is your long awaited closure."

"I don't want her fucking closure!" Niall screamed but he knew it was a lie. "All I want is to be left alone. I don't care about her or her girlfriend or anything! I don't ever want to see her ever!" Lies, lies, lies his mind taunted him and he just wanted his subconscious to stop! Why did she deserve to talk to him when his whole life had been revolved around forgetting about her? She left... he didn't, he was a kid!

"I'm going to let you calm down," Johannah began standing up and watching him. "And when you're ready to talk just come to me."

"I'm never going to speak to her." Niall said clenching his fingers around the sheets and his mom shrugged.

"Whatever you say love." And then she was leaving. Niall groaned and collapsed face first onto his pillow and screamed over and over again till his throat felt too sore for him to even continue. He fell asleep like that, with a sore throat and thoughts that could be labeled nightmares.

-

He was greeted by none other than Harry the next day at work. The day had gone relatively easy and now that the afternoon had set in, nobody was there. Niall was bored out of his freakin' mind and he had felt bad because he had gotten into a fight with Louis that morning over spilled milk. It had nothing to do with the spilled milk at all.

"You look excited." Harry said to him. Niall raised an eyebrow, shocked that he was there because how did Harry know where he worked? Harry apparently could read the question on his face because he said: "Liam told me where you were. He didn't want me to be lonely as he went off to fraternize with Zayn."

"He better not come back pregnant." Niall muttered under his breath and Harry let out a yelp of laughter.

"I don't think either of them are promising anything."

"How much virtue do you estimate Liam will have left by the end of the summer?" Niall asked already feeling a bit better with Harry just being around him. That worried him, the fact that a guy could brighten his mood. He hated relying on people to make him feel better, that's what he had himself for.

"Is it too ambitious for me to say none?" Harry asked leaning down so that their foreheads were practically touching.

"Not really." Niall replied and Harry gave him a crooked grin and Niall smiled back, cheeks heating up.

"So gifts shop huh? Never would've pegged this as your place of work." Harry said looking around the shop and the endless amounts of tourist-y things.

"What kind of job did you peg me for?"

"I don't really know. You look like the kind of guy who hangs out at the beach all day with girls or something." Harry said and Niall chuckled rubbing his chin.

"Sadly I don't hang out at the beach all day."

"But you hang out with girls all day?" Harry asked grinning wide and white and Niall shrugged.

"If you count my mom and Louis' on and off girlfriend."

"Who's Louis?" Harry asked.

"My brother. He's currently mad at me... oh and here he comes." Niall said watching as Louis stormed into the store. Harry turned and watched as Louis marched up to Niall and frown, eyes becoming slits.

"You know it was just spilled milk! You really didn't have to yell at me over spilled milk, you menstruating baby!" Louis screamed and Niall watched as Harry's eyes widened comically.

"I'm really sorry about that, Louis. I was having a tough morning." Niall said and Louis watched him for a bit and then let out a sigh, all anger dissipating from his face.

"Well that was easy. Never take your anger out on me ever again." Louis said waggling a finger in front of Niall's face. Niall nodded.

"I pinky swear." They hooked their pinkies around each other and then Louis turned and looked at Harry who was looking between the two with amusement written all over his face.

"Who're you?" Louis asked looking him up and down and then looking at Niall with a raised eyebrow. Ever since Niall had told Louis he was gay anytime Niall hung around with a guy Louis would give him the look which consisted of eyebrows and non-verbal innuendos.

"I'm Harry."

"He's Liam's cousin." Niall added not knowing why that was important for Louis to know.

"So you and Niall are..." Louis trailed off as if begging them to finish the sentence. Niall huffed feeling his whole face turn crimson.

"We're just friends, Louis."

"Aw, shame. He's pretty." Louis said and Harry chuckled while Niall slammed his head onto the counter feeling absolutely mortified. "Anyways I've got to go. See ya around, Harry. Continue being just friends with him, Niall. Ciao." And then he was gone the bell sounding on top of the door.

"I'm so sorry about him." Niall said finally looking up and Harry grinned shrugging.

"Don't worry about it. My sister loved to embarrass me around people I liked."

"Oh?" Niall asked and Harry nodded. "How do you know I like you?" Harry grinned all confidence and zero self-doubt... Niall thought it was incredibly sexy.

"Wishful thinking." Harry said and Niall blushed... again. He had to stop doing that.

-

The first thing Niall thought when he walked into his house was: No, the second was: Why is there a cat here? Louis hates cats. And the last was: Please, god let it not is who I think it is. Sitting in his living room was his dad who looked so tense that it was making Niall nervous, his mom cuddled up next to his dad, Louis tapping away on his phone, and two women and a cat. Niall didn't really mean to drop his keys when his eyes landed on the blonde woman with the blue eyes but he did and then they were all looking at him, all eyes on him. He wanted to break out into a cold run but he didn't... not yet, he thought to himself.

"What's going on here?" Niall heard himself ask and he tried to sound defiant but he just sounded childish and lost as his voice broke on the 'here.'

"Niall, come sit." His mom said.

"No, tell me what's going on." He demanded looking from his mom to his dad because he would not look at the women. He refused.

"We knew you weren't going to call her," His father began and Niall scoffed.

"I can't believe you two!" He found himself screeching his insides feeling like an inferno.

"Niall, calm down."

"I won't! I said I didn't want to see or talk to her and this is what you do? How could you spring this on me like that? How could you?" Niall asked and he wiped his eyes quickly refusing to let a tear fall. He would not let her see him cry, god he wouldn't!

"We think you need to hear this." His dad said softly and Niall looked down at Louis who was just looking around at everybody. When Louis finally caught his eye he cleared his throat and stood up.

"Uhm this is really fun to watch but me and Niall have to talk in the bathroom for like two seconds." He then wrapped his arm around Niall's wrist and then he led him out of the living room. When they did get to the upstairs bathroom Louis slammed the door and then turned to Niall. "So... that was very awkward."

"I hate them." Niall hissed feeling a wave of betrayal threaten to drown him.

"Yeah well I hate cats. Think about how I feel with that monstrosity just sitting there." Louis replied and usually Niall would've laughed but he couldn't... not right then. His insides were hurting and so was his head and all he wanted to do was go to his room and think about Harry because Harry made him smile... thinking of Harry made him happy.

"I don't want to talk to her, Louis. I don't want to be anywhere near her."

"I don't really think you have a choice." Louis said with an apologetic shrug and Niall sniffled rubbing his face.

"God damn." He cursed.

"I think it's better to just get it over with y'know. She is your mother and she did give birth to you... and plus she stuck around for four years, give her some credit. She tried."

"Not hard enough." Niall said. He felt bitter and sad and it shocked him because when in the world did he get so sad?

"Yeah well... sometimes people have reasons. Hear her out." Louis reached over and suddenly they were hugging and even though Niall was taller he felt himself shoving his face into Louis' neck as Louis rubbed his back. "There there, little one." Louis said and Niall chuckled.

"Thanks, Louis. Really."

"No problem, man. I am here for you." Louis was grinning but Niall knew he meant it and he knew that he was. It was good to have that, someone there for him. Niall eventually walked out of the bathroom with Louis in tow and sat on the same couch Louis was. Nobody talked for a bit and then Niall turned to the two women on the couch. One had wild red hair and dark green eyes that sort of reminded him of Harry's and the other... his mother was blonde and blue eyed and she looked tiny like something that Niall could fold and stick in his pocket.

"So... do you have anything to say?" Niall asked staring straight at her. His mother. Maura. Whatever she preferred to be called.

"Niall," She began and Niall swallowed. Hearing her voice was kind of like a distant memory like something that he knew he was supposed to remember but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Niall, I know you probably hate me." Niall resisted the urge to nod, he just watched this tiny woman who eighteen years ago had given birth to him. "You have to understand that I thought about you every day my beautiful little boy. You mean so much to me."

"You have a real funny way of showing it." Niall said softly not daring to break eye contact with her. He wanted her to see him; he wanted her to see how much better he was doing without her.

"I know, darling-,"

"Don't call me that, please don't call me that." Niall interjected and she swallowed nodding. The air in the living room was tense and tangible, Niall could feel the others shifting and looking at their feet. Niall looked at the cat on the other woman's lap and he hated that cat, he hated that it probably got more love from his mother than he ever did or would.

"I made a few mistakes in my life and I know that this isn't going to fix it. This one little visit but I couldn't go without seeing you, without watching how big you got."

"Where are you going?" Niall found himself asking. He watched as she exchanged looks with her girlfriend.

"Your mother has cancer." The woman said and Niall looked at his dad who's mouth was in the shape of an 'o' to his mom who looked absolutely shocked and then to Louis who looked resigned. Niall looked at her, watched as she looked at him and he shook his head.

"Oh god." He felt himself whisper.

"Niall."

"Oh god oh god oh god." He repeated pressing his finger to his temple.

"I couldn't just leave without seeing you."

"How long do you have?" Niall asked through his shock. He wanted to throw up all the contents of his stomach because he couldn't take it; it was like watching a dead person.

"The doctor said three weeks. I've been battling it for two years."

"Oh my god." Niall whispered not being able to say anything else.

"I love you so much." She said reaching out to touch him and he pulled away quick as if she had just electrocuted him. He stood up abruptly stumbling a bit before he righted his footing and he shook his head.

"I can't breathe."

"Niall." His mom said standing up and pulling away from his father.

"I have to get out of here. Oh my god, I have to get out of here." And ignoring his mom's protests he grabbed his car keys and he pushed the door open, not even bothering to close it before he was rushing into his car and peeling out of his driveway with skid marks on the pavement. He couldn't look at her, he couldn't be in the same room at her, he couldn't or he would go absolutely insane. She was going to die and that was when she decided to visit him when her death sentence was written out... he hated to make it all about him but would she have visited him if she wasn't dying or would she have been perfectly okay with staying away?

He fished his phone out of his pocket and at a red light he shakily punched in Harry's number. He needed to hear Harry's voice.

"Hello." Harry said and Niall let out a breathy little sob.

"I can't do this, oh god."

"Niall?" Harry asked and Niall continued watching the road with teary eyes.

"She's going to die oh god. I haven't seen her in fourteen years and this is what I find out when I finally do see her." Niall cried trying to wipe away the tears but they just felt incredibly thick on his face.

"Niall, are you driving?"

"I don't know where I'm going. I couldn't breathe... I still can't breathe."

"Niall, pull over. Please pull over you can't drive like this." Harry ordered him softly and his voice was so pretty and calm that Niall couldn't help to do what he said.

"Okay." Niall said resting his head on the window.

"Tell me where you are. We'll come get you."

"No... Just you." Niall found himself saying. He felt immature but he couldn't help himself.

"Niall, I can't. I don't even know this town well enough to come get you."

"Please just come, yeah? I really need someone right now." He was guilt tripping him he knew but he couldn't stop, if it convinced Harry to come then so be it. He heard Harry sigh and then,

"Okay, okay. Just tell me where you are."

-

Niall was dozing off to sleep when the bright headlights of a car came into his line of vision. He watched as Harry parked Liam's car right in front of Niall's and then he was stumbling out. Niall watched him walk to the passenger side and then get in. Neither of them spoke for a bit and the whole world felt like it was still... Niall had to feel his heart beat to make sure he was still alive and not in some place in between life or death.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack." Harry said and Niall sighed.

"I'm sorry." He had calmed down gradually as opposed to how he was in the beginning. Sobbing and out of it like he was out of his goddamn mind.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Harry asked and Niall shrugged.

"My mother's dying." He said it so nonchalantly like in a way someone would say 'it's gonna rain today.' He surprised himself sounding like that when he felt like everything inside of him was just going up in flames. He wished he was drowning because at least with drowning he would be dying peacefully but burning... that was different. The smoke consumed him made it hard to breathe, hard to think.

"Oh my god. Niall, I'm so sorry." Harry whispered and Niall chuckled like everything was so funny when nothing was funny at all.

"I haven't seen her for fourteen years and then she comes back and drops this on me. She's a lesbian too and she has a cat... a fucking cat." Niall knew that if he chose to be mad about the fact that she had abandoned him or that she had a girlfriend and had been living a happy life without Niall he knew he would freak. So he focused on the fact that she had a cat. "Such an ugly fucking cat too. She didn't even know that Louis hated them bringing that piece of shit into our house like it was hers. She should've never come."

"Niall, you don't mean that."

"Don't fucking tell me what I mean!" Niall screamed punching the steering wheel causing the horn to go off. Harry jumped and Niall slumped against the seat feeling so very upset and so very tired at the night, at the world, at his mother and everybody else.

"Niall, please calm down."

"Do you know how it feels like to be not needed? Do you know how it feels like to be left at four years old? She didn't even tell me why she left all she said was that she thought about me every day! She didn't even call!"

"Maybe she was scared."

"I was four!" And he doesn't know why that's when he chose to burst into tears but one second he was talking about his mom and the next he was sobbing harsh and loud with his face ugly and red. He didn't want Harry to see him like this but at the same time he didn't want to go through it alone with only himself in his stupid car and his stupid feelings. He hated feeling so lonely like he was just a waste of space... like he meant nothing to everybody. He didn't know how it happened but he was suddenly in Harry's lap and Harry was whispering 'it's okay' to him over and over again as if it was. It wasn't. Nothing was okay it was never going to be okay.

When Niall finally calmed down all he could understand was Harry's large hands rubbing his back and it felt so comforting and Harry felt so good and he smelled even better. Niall leaned over and he kissed him, unabashed and wanting. Harry kissed back and Niall melted into it, he wondered offhandedly if Liam would be mad that he kissed his cousin.

Harry pulled away first, "I think this is a little too soon."

"What? The kissing?"

"Yeah. This whole thing. Do you make a habit of kissing people you just met?" Harry asked and Niall shook his head.

"Just you."

"Well, maybe we should wait a little longer before we kiss any more. I don't want you to regret doing this."

"I don't regret things." Niall whispered looking at him and Harry's hand massaged up and down his waist.

"Yeah well... good."

"Are you going to regret it?"

"I could never regret you."

"Then let's kiss." Niall reached down again and Harry turned so that Niall's lips landed on his neck. Niall swallowed. "You don't like me." He stated and he was about to clamber off Harry's lap but Harry was strong and he kept him steady on his lap.

"I do like you, Niall. I don't like kissing you when I barely know you."

"I told you like my fucking life story." Niall spat and Harry sighed.

"I wanna know the good parts too, babe. Not just that your mom abandoned you when you were four. I wanna know about your favorite ice cream flavor and your favorite TV show and what makes you happy. I want to know if you're a coffee or a tea kind of person, I wanna know what your meaning of life is. I wanna know you."

"Why does it matter?" Niall asked feeling a bit angry. "You're going to leave at the end of the summer to New York and I'm going to Washington D.C and we'll never see each other again, okay? So be a little spontaneous."

"When I like someone I like doing things perfect. And I really like you, Niall so I'm not going to mess this up whether I'm leaving in a couple of months or not." Niall looked down at him and he wished that he could argue with that but he couldn't so he just sighed and gave up resting his head on Harry's collarbone.

"I really like you too."

"Thanks. I had a feeling but it's nice to hear you say it."

-

When Niall got home after midnight, he was met with his mom sitting on the front porch reading a book with the outside light turned on. When he slammed the car door she looked up at him and smiled softly, tapping the seat on the little bench next to her so he sighed and walked over doing as she instructed. They were silent for a bit and he looked down at the book she was reading: Gerald's Game.

"You scared us, Niall." She said.

"Yeah?" He asked and she nodded wrapping an arm around him.

"Yeah. You were gone for like three hours and we were worried but we also knew you weren't going to do anything stupid."

"When did she leave?"

"About an hour after you did. When she realized you weren't coming back."

"I didn't mean to freak out."

"I know." She said and he nodded.

"Yeah... it was like seeing a memory that I had been trying so hard to forget." Right when Niall said that, the front door opened revealing a sleepy looking Louis rubbing his eyes with his fist. Even at twenty he looked like a little child.

"What're you doing up, darling?" Their mom asked Louis and he shrugged.

"You were waiting out for Niall and I saw his car. Wanted to see if he was okay." Louis said sitting on the other side of their mom. Niall's mom wrapped another arm around Louis and they were both silent as she kissed their foreheads.

"My boys." She said fondly and Niall was sure if he listened closely he could hear his bones whispering: family.

-

After that night not only did he and Harry seem to hang out more it seemed like everything was electrically charged. While he was still reeling from having seen his mother and having that news hit him hard he had Harry there. Harry, Liam, and Zayn who also had become something of a friend to him especially with him and Liam together. Niall tried his hardest to keep his hands to himself around Harry but it seemed impossible like Harry had magnets under his skin and Niall was made of iron.

Sometimes Harry would laugh and Niall would think: Jesus Christ what a beautiful smile, or sometimes Harry would just look at him and they'd have a silent conversation with raised eyebrows and such and Niall would think: it's been two weeks, when did I become so good at reading you? And Niall tried his hardest to forget his mother or the fact that both he and Harry would be leaving at the end and he tried to have fun but both facts were killing him.

Two weeks after seeing her he found himself going up to the attic and taking his dad's old scrap books out because he needed to believe again that she was there, that maybe Louis was right maybe she did try and maybe Harry also right maybe she was scared. Niall felt himself swallow as he looked at the pictures of his mother young and lovely sitting in a hospital bed with Niall tiny in her arms.

And then there were pictures of when they took Niall home. Pictures of Niall cradled in his mother's chest and watching her kiss his forehead and Niall felt faint cause god she was going to be gone soon and he knew that no matter how much he tried to deny it he cared. He cared so much and he couldn't let her fade out that way.

-

"I need your help." Niall said to Harry the next day when the two of them were at the beach together. Niall had picked Harry up early and both boys were sitting on the sand with their shoulders touching and the waves crashing and Niall feeling like he had the weight of the whole world pressing on his shoulders.

"With what?" Harry asked him as he moved to set his hand on Niall's knee. Niall ignored the way his heart screamed: Just kiss him already, because it wasn't about kissing. This was about closure, finishing something before it was too late.

"Come see my mother with me." He whispered. It felt symbolic somehow saying that to the ocean one of the places that he had felt most free and maybe it was all in his mind but saying it out loud made him feel a bit lighter like he wasn't holding things in anymore.

"You want to see her?" Harry asked sounding a bit shocked.

"Yes. I want to talk to her before she's gone... I've waited fourteen years for this and I just have to." Niall said looking up at Harry who was looking down at him.

"You're really strong you know that?" Harry asked and Niall blushed looking away and Harry rubbed his knee with his thumb as if coercing Niall to look back at him. "I mean it."

"Thanks." Niall said.

"And I know I said that we should take it slow but I really want to kiss you." Harry whispered and Niall turned slowly and licked his lips. He nodded because he wasn't sure he could speak and he watched as Harry leaned down and touched their lips. Niall's eyes fluttered close immediately and his hand went up to Harry's hair as he twined his fingers through them, his insides pooling with want and so much gratefulness for this beautiful boy. Niall ended up on his back on the stand with Harry resting in between his legs and his hand was now fingering the necklace around Harry's neck.

He felt light headed but he didn't want to stop all he wanted was to kiss Harry right there on that beach because right there on Carolina beach with the sun rising and the sea floating carelessly behind them it felt good. He felt like he could do anything like all he needed was Harry and all of that bravery... and god he could do anything.

-

"So, this is the Inn she's staying in?" Harry asked him as Niall parked in front of The Jeffer's Inn with one of the bad lights that made it read: The Effer's Inn. Niall turned to Harry and rolled his eyes.

"Nah, I'm just parking at some random Inn."

"Liam's right you are very sarcastic." Harry said and Niall rolled his eyes as he stepped out of the car and looked down at the room number. 10F. He was nervous and he felt his self-assurance slipping by the minute but he knew he had to do this or he'd be standing in a funeral wondering what happened with a thousand questions running through his mind. As he had said before, he lived for closure.

"Come on, stop freaking out." Harry said stepping in front of him and resting his hands on Niall's hips. Niall looked up at him and then looked back down.

"I'm just a bit nervous."

"You're shaking like a leaf, babe."

"Can you blame me? Last time I saw her I freaked out and ran and now I actually wanna have a civil conversation, if she's anything like me she'll think I'm crazy."

"Niall, your reaction was justified. I would've probably done the same."

"Freaked out?"

"Yup." Harry said smiling down and then kissing him softly with his thumb circling Niall's waist and calming him down. After their kiss the other day at the beach it seemed like that was the only thing they could do. Niall felt good knowing he had at least two more months to kiss him and touch him and feel okay... he didn't want to think about Harry leaving. He just wanted to take one problem at a time.

"Let's go." Harry said when they pulled away and Niall nodded.

-

"Uhm hi." Niall said to the red head woman who opened the door. She smiled softly at him and he cleared his throat. "I uh never got your name."

"It's Megan and you're Niall of course." She shook his hand enthusiastically and Niall nodded and then gestured to Harry.

"And that's my friend, Harry."

"Of course. Come in, Maura's just taking a shower but she'll be out in a few." Megan said and Niall followed her inside the small room of the inn. He could hear the shower running and his mother singing something that sounded like The Beatles. Niall's eyes zeroed in on the cat sitting on the bed watching them, he wasn't the biggest fan of cats either. "Do you guys need anything to drink?" Megan asked already walking over to the small fridge in the corner of the room and Niall shook his head.

"No thank you." She nodded and then sat down. Niall and Harry did the same, Niall tried to stop psyching himself out but he couldn't stop looking at Megan. He wondered how she felt; her girlfriend was going to die. "Uhm when did you and... Maura meet?" Niall asked not feeling comfortable calling her mom or mother anymore.

"We've been together for ten years."

"Wow." Harry said next to him and Niall's eyes widened.

The shower and the singing stopped at once and Niall reached for Harry's hand and Harry squeezed it. It took about ten minutes of silence but then his mother was walking out fully clothed with wet hair and tired looking eyes and skin. Again watching her Niall felt as if he was in a dreamlike state, like he was having an out of body experience.

He stood up and she smiled at him.

"Hello, Niall."

"Hi." He said and she walked towards him and he stood there awkwardly.

"I'm going to hug you, okay?" She asked and he nodded as she wrapped her tiny hands around him and hugged and he didn't know what came over him but he did it back. He couldn't make up for lost time but he could at least hug her. "Let's sit down, yeah?"

"Okay." Niall said a bit dazed as he sat back down next to Harry and Maura sat next to Megan. Niall was silent for a bit and then he cleared his throat.

"So uhm I haven't seen you in a long time." Niall said not knowing what to say to his dying mother.

"You're very observant." She said and Niall blinked looking at Harry. Great, she was sarcastic just like he was. "I really did miss you, Niall." She added and Niall looked back at her and shrugged.

"I didn't have much to miss when it came to you. One second I was four and you were there and the next you weren't."

"I didn't mean to leave you."

"I think the reason I came here is to find out why you did. Is it because you found out that you liked women because sorry that's not a valid reason." Niall found himself saying but then Harry was resting his hand on Niall's spine and massaging it as if to say: Calm down, babe. Niall reminded himself to do that and to breathe.

"Niall of course not."

"Well no offense but I've been waiting for the reason for a really long time." Maura sighed and rubbed her temple.

"I was twenty-four, darling and I was... I was an alcoholic okay? I had just lost myself and your father was so patient with me and he told me about rehab but I didn't want to go to rehab and I didn't want to be a mother. I didn't want to do anything but drink my life away. I was so scared." She said and Niall watched her thinking about how he'd never heard a word of this. Megan was patting her back reassuringly and Harry was doing the same to him and when did everything become so insane?

"I didn't know what to do okay? I was just a kid so one day when you and your father were out I packed my bags and I left because I saw what it was doing to you... to your father. I left because I was just not ready to be a mother especially when I had an issue obviously it was never your fault. It was mine." The silence that followed was startling. Niall stared at her and thought about how anticlimactic that was; about how he had expected something long and drawn out but the truth of the matter was that his mother was an alcoholic.

"But you never came back." Niall hissed looking at her.

"And I know you'll never forgive me for that."

"Where did you even go? Why didn't you even call me to at least tell me you were okay? For the longest time I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry, Niall I really am but it all kind of happened so fast. One second I was leaving in Carolina Beach and then the next I was meeting Megan-,"

"And you forgot about me." Niall finished and she looked down at her thighs.

"I didn't. I thought of you forever." Niall wanted to yell and call her out on her lies but he knew that it wouldn't do any good and he didn't want the last memory that he had of his mother to be of her staring at him in fear as he screamed his head off like a mad man.

"Me too." He finally said and she nodded.

"It's obvious that you grew up well. Johannah took care of you." Like a mother should, Niall thought but didn't say.

"Yeah... she's a great mom." He said not looking at her when he said it.

"And I hear you're going to college in the fall."

"I'm going to Washington D.C to study Chemistry."

"Why there?"

"Cause it's not here." Cause it didn't have the memories that I didn't want.

-

"How was it?" His father asked him when he came back home after the visit. His father was setting up his fishing gear because he and Louis were going fishing something the two loved to do together. Niall shrugged and leaned down on the counter.

"She was an alcoholic, dad." Niall whispered.

"That she was, Niall. That she was."

"And she just didn't come back... there was no valid reason she just didn't." Niall continued. Instead of feeling anger he just felt content... he felt okay knowing the truth. It wasn't his fault... it was hers and he could safely discard of that guilt he'd been carrying around all his life.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. Cause if she hadn't left I wouldn't have had mom... and you're my best friend." Niall said feeling six years old again and talking about how his dad was his favorite super hero. He wasn't embarrassed though, he was incredibly proud actually.

"I'm really glad to hear that, Niall." His dad said and Niall smiled and then watched as Louis bounded down the stairs with his own fishing gear.

"Hey, blondie." Louis said.

"Hey, girl butt." Niall replied and Louis stuck his tongue out at him. Niall grinned and watched as they both disappeared with an: "I love you" thrown at him and Niall loved them too, so so much.

-

"So... are we dating?" Niall asked Harry as they both sat on the beach again with Niall's head resting on Harry's shoulder and Harry's arm wrapped around Niall. It was nowhere near cold but Niall wanted to cuddle with Harry in the middle of the beach forever like they were in the middle of the iceberg in Titanic.

"From previous experiences I'd like to say yes we are."

"So I can call you my boyfriend right? And kiss you whenever I want."

"Anywhere you want." Harry said and Niall laughed looking up at him. He pressed a kiss to Harry's jawline and sighed.

"I'm really glad that you came this summer."

"I'm really glad that I came too. You're probably the best thing to happen to me in a long time."

"I'm not." Niall said with a laugh.

"You are, Niall. You really are." Harry said sounding serious and Niall blushed. He covered his face and laughed.

"Can't believe this is my summer."

"Why?"

"I've always been the one watching the summer romances happened from my place at Lorena's. Never thought it would happen to me."

"You're wonderful though."

"Nobody made me feel like it til you, though. You're the loveliest thing that I've ever laid my eyes on."

"Yeah?" Harry asked sort of breathless and Niall nodded.

"Yeah." And then suddenly he was turning and straddling Harry's waist. "We should do it right now, right here." Harry's eyes widened reasonably and he coughed.

"On the beach?"

"Yes! Let's do it, c'mon." Niall said pressing his lips to Harry's and he smiled when Harry kissed back and reached a hand under his shirt.

"You sure?" Harry asked when he pulled away and Niall pressed their foreheads together and he didn't say anything for a bit. It was six in the morning in the middle of the summer and Niall had been thinking about how his life would stay the same the whole summer but it had changed and he had plunged head first into it. There were summer's before that one where Niall had thought about actually getting someone to be with him and then thinking about how farfetched that was because god who would want him? But then he realized that... he was a good catch and it was okay for him to realize that and it was okay for him to want things like this. And he should never ever feel guilty for things that aren't his fault; he learned that from his mother. He had learned self-assurance through Harry's smiles and his mom's happiness and Louis' cheeky jokes, he had learned confidence in Liam pouting and saying: but you look so good, Niall. He had never been surer of anything in his life.

"Very sure." And then he reconnected their lips and the first thought that runs through his mind is: It's okay to be happy and it's okay to love my own happiness, the second is: Man oh man, this boy's so beautiful.


End file.
